The Allure of Going It Alone
A month before his birthday, the author found himself single again—this time at 41, with a string of serious relationships behind him, including a marriage that ended in an eight-year-old son. Two breakups in the past year alone have left him questioning whether solitude might be the answer to the emotional whiplash of modern dating.
He describes himself as a serial monogamist, someone who invests deeply in relationships only to watch them unravel. The women he dates, he admits, are often more reserved and self-contained, while he grapples with his own emotional volatility—crying over sports, social slights, or career setbacks. Therapy, he notes, costs him thousands annually, but at least it keeps him asking the hard questions.
Enter the rise of “loneliness influencing,” a TikTok trend where creators post videos of themselves drinking Diet Coke alone on a Friday night, taking solitary walks, or baking frozen pizzas. The appeal, as a recent Atlantic article highlighted, lies in normalizing the mundane: being alone isn’t a failure, but a choice worth celebrating. These videos, however, only show the curated, positive side of solitude—no toenail clipping or 8:30 p.m. bedtimes.
Why This Result Matters
The trend taps into a cultural anxiety: the fear that being alone is a sign of social maladjustment, a slippery slope to isolation. For someone in their 40s, the idea of embracing solitude can feel like a relief after years of emotional turbulence. The author wonders how many more times he can open himself up to another person before the pain of separation becomes unbearable.
There’s also the irony of digital validation. Loneliness influencers post videos of their admirable aloneness, yet the act of sharing them online betrays a need for external approval. It’s a one-way need, easier to manage than the messy, reciprocal demands of love. The author acknowledges the appeal—especially in a post-pandemic world where the anxieties of others feel like a distant memory.
What Comes Next
For the author, though, solitude isn’t the answer. He doesn’t judge those who prefer it—he even jokes that their absence from crowded restaurants and rush-hour traffic is a public service. But for him, life is about the discomfort of connection: the shared feelings, the busy restaurants, the traffic jams. He could retreat behind his phone, soak up praise, or suppress his emotions, but that would mean becoming someone he’s not.
Instead, he chooses the mess. The tears, the therapy, the failed relationships—all of it is part of being himself. The loneliness influencers may have found their peace, but for him, the struggle is worth it.
Via The Guardian.
